My advisor spoke about color. She put a piece by Bridget Riley on one of our handouts. Much to her chagrin, it printed in black and white.
"Look at the colors online. You must see the colors." I admit, this statement hit a wall within me. I have been sartorially-challenged lately. Everything, from picking the right color for my blog background to my hair is a soulless and frustrating experience for me. This horrible, self-halting has led me to make weak decisions that I obsess over or no decision at all.
I know this is a lingering issue from my depression and my indecisiveness, fear of failure and bizarre color-blindness are all connected.
This pains me because I love art. I have a huge affinity for Andy Warhol and I can't help but feel the risk and reward Warhol had in his artistic career might be the thing I'm really craving. Time to begin being a bit more artistic with my life...<3
I must be honest in saying that my mood hasn't been right lately. Hoping that I haven't snapped at others, but aware I might have. Friday I returned from my writer's residency at school. Since then, I have had trouble dealing with the minute problems of life with any sort of joy.
My school is amazing. It is an uber-loving and supportive environment in which those of us (mostly activists, artists and writers) feel safe enough to talk about our work and get the guidance and the audience that we need to make it better. This was my second time at the residency (you go once for a week per semester) and each time I return back with similar feelings. I wish I had attended more workshops, I wish I had spoken to more people, had more amazing conversations, and I really wish I had stolen some food on my way out (the food is awesome). But we're only there for a week, and then we all have to get back to our busy lives. We all have jobs, families, home lives that take up too much time for us to spend any time going to classes every day.
That is the transition I am having such difficulty with this time, as the noise and grind of my normal life has lost is lovely flavor, and I really wish I was back in residency. However, I've noticed my drive and feeling has stuck with me this semester better than it did in the last (I can't help feeling my work last semester was sub-par) so I think I could very much have a successful semester's worth of work to report back to my advisor (a published poet--I know, strangely amazing).
So, this blog will not only be a reflection of social issues that affect me, a woman living below the poverty line and trying to receive and education, it will also begin to reflect my progress this semester. It will take a slightly different flavor, but I really think thats a good thing.